


I'm Sorry

by morbid_solemn



Category: Nathaniel Cade Series - Christopher Farnsworth
Genre: M/M, Zathaniel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24955918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morbid_solemn/pseuds/morbid_solemn
Summary: With Wyman in charge, it's certain that Zach and Cade will no longer be partners.
Relationships: Nathaniel Cade/Zachary Barrows, Zachary Barrows/Nathaniel Cade
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	I'm Sorry

Zach placed his keys on his desk. He blinked, staring at the endless files, the half empty coffee mugs. He could date each of them, listing the oldest one as a black mug from two weeks ago. He stared at the gray mug that was dangerously close to marking a file that described the anatomy of some ancient reptile-amphibian hybrid. He had placed that mug there this morning, when he was too preoccupied to concern himself with the possibility of damaging a file.

_“No, Cade,” Zach sighed, “I have no clue what Wyman wants to talk to me about.” Cade walked to the fridge and pulled out a carton. Zach stood by his desk, placing his coffee mug down. Zach placed a hand on his hip, pushing his jacket to the side slightly and leaning against the desk. He waited for Cade’s response, watching him closely._

_“Maybe it’s the way you put yourself in danger during every mission.” Cade responded shortly. He stood by the microwave and placed the carton inside. He pressed the buttons, feeling the plastic bend and crack._

_“God dammit, I’ve had it.” Zach left his post at the desk and stood across from Cade. “It was cute before, but now it’s just ridiculous.” Cade kept his back turned, watching the timer on the microwave. “Every mission, every day, we risk our lives to keep people safe. You have no right to say that I put myself in more danger than anyone else! You have no right to value my life more than yours or anyone else’s!” The timer continued and Cade kept his back turned. “God dammit, look at me!” Zach grabbed his shoulder and Cade let him._

_“Of course I do,” Cade replied. “You are under my protection.”_

_“Oh, not this bullshit again.” Zach placed a hand against his forehead and turned around. “We’re well past your oath,” he turned back to look at Cade._

_“My oath does not simply disappear because you’re in love with me.” It was the way Cade had said it. The spite that singed each word and left the last five with a toxic taste that was too much for Zach to handle. He had expected to fight this one out; it had been on his mind for as long they had been together. But now, faced with the lack of reciprocity in Cade’s words, Zach said the only thing he could._

_“Fuck you.”_

With his eyes closed and his head leaned back, Zach sighed. Cade would return soon. Zach would have to explain to Cade that Wyman was transferring him across the country. He would have to wait, long moments passing in silence as Cade stared back at him, unfeelingly. Zach scoffed. He’d probably just utter his goodbye and leave Zach standing there, dumbfounded, as if everything that had happened, everything they had, was just some cruel dream.

“Fuck it.” Zach grabbed a box and began tossing items in. He looked at his watch. 20 minutes before Cade would be back.

***

“ _I’m sorry._ ” Cade thought as he looked away from the road in disgust. Just the thought of apologizing repelled him. He looked ahead, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. “I am sorry, Zach,” he said aloud, the words tasting less bitter and dissatisfying on his tongue. He only had ten minutes left to perfect this before he would reach the office, and as Cade recalled Zach’s dumbfounded look, he knew there would be no room for mistakes. “I’m sorry, Zach.” It was louder this time and slower, as Cade felt each word. His grip on the wheel loosened.

***

Cade stood at the doors of the Reliquary and mouthed the words before walking inside. Lifting his head higher for some semblance of indifference, he opened the door. He blinked as his eyes fixated on Zach’s desk. Cade crossed the room in a millisecond. It was empty, decorated with a single pale yellow sticky note: I’m sorry.

***

In his new office, Zach sat back in his chair, careful not to push its limits. The cheap metal thing had a tendency send him reaching for the edge of his desk. He couldn’t even prop his feet up, just another thing he had grown accustomed to during his days at the Reliquary.

_“Don’t do that,” Cade warned walking past Zach’s desk, where his feet were propped._

_“What this?” he asked as he looked over the top of the file to watch Cade walk past. He began to lean further back._

_“Stop,” he warned again, stopping in his tracks to watch Zach’s next move._

_“Make me.” He smirked that ridiculous smirk again and leaned back further. The chair let out a forewarning squeak and the wheels rose off the ground. By the time Zach’s eyes widened completely, Cade was behind him, steading the chair._

_“You’re an idiot.” He held the chair there, staring down over Zach._

_“Sorry,” Zach whispered as Cade leaned down to bridge the gap. His lips were cool, but he worked quickly against Zach’s lips, the heat keeping him warm._

Zach placed his feet firmly on the ground. He looked at his desk, ready to listen to another nutcase ramble on about a fishing trip that was interrupted by the Lochness Monster, when his phone rang.

***

A nuclear silo was unresponsive, and, of course, that was certainly concerning, but Zach’s main concern was the unresponsive vampire standing in front of him now. It had been months since Zach had left. The two had left Wyman’s office in silence and walked to the Reliquary in a similar fashion. Standing now, at the desk where Zach had written his goodbye, the unspoken message hung heavy in the air. Sure, the current mission was such an imminent threat that Wyman hadn’t officially reinstated Zach as a White House liaison, but now, standing once again in the Reliquary, something else seemed more important. Cade’s eyes were as icy and unfeeling as the day they had met. But they were also as hurt as the night Cade had bandaged the Zach’s wounds.

“It’s been a while.” Zach chose his words slowly.

“It has.” _I’m sorry._

“How’ve you been?” _You look like hell and I miss you._

“We have greater concerns than my wellbeing.” Cade turned and Zach stood for a moment, dumbfounded.

***

“Can we talk about this?” Zach said. The car ride out of town held an amicable silence, a slight improvement to the previous one, and so Zach thought he would test the waters.

“No.” His eyes were trained ahead as drove.

“Cade, c’mon. If you really want me to stay on, we have to talk about what happened.”

“Nothing happened.” Zach blinked and stared at Cade in disbelief.

“What, like our fight? Or-”

“None of it.” Cade’s tone was typically even, but Zach could feel the indifference.

“Our whole relationship? Are you fucking kidding me?” He paused to allow Cade to explain himself, but it was the cutting silence that spoke up. “Stop the car. Stop the goddamn car!” Zach reached over, pulling on Cade’s wrist. Cade parked the car on the side of the road. “Look me in the eye and tell me you wanna pretend this never happened. Tell me you want to forget it all.”

“I would rather it never happened. I want to forget it all.” Cade spoke evenly, while staring Zach in the eye. Zach nodded, already prepared with a follow-up.

“Now tell me you don’t love me.” And now it was Cade’s turn to blink in disbelief.

“I don’t love you.” Cade prepared himself for everything: Zach could open the door and get out, he could start to scream every profanity under the sun and Cade would deserve it. Instead, Zach just smirked that _ridiculous_ smirk.

“Sure you don’t.” He turned to the face the road. “You can drive now.” But Cade didn’t touch the gear shift.

“I don’t,” he reaffirmed. He turned completely towards Zach.

“Yes, and I don’t love you either.” He winked, exaggeratedly.

“Zachary Taylor Barrows,” Cade began, “I do not love you.” And suddenly Cade felt ridiculous.

“I remember when I couldn’t read you at all. But that little pause back there? Right before you said you didn’t love me? Hell, even back then I would’ve known you were lying.” Cade took a moment before speaking.

“I love you, Zach.” He waited another moment before continuing, practicing the words in his head as he had years before. “I’m sorry, Zach. For what I said all those years ago.”

“You do know that when someone says ‘fuck you’ _they’re_ supposed to apologize, right?”

“But you did say sorry.” Cade furrowed his eyebrows.

“That doesn’t count.” Zach groaned. “Dude, I didn’t even _say_ it! I wrote it on a post-it and disappeared. That’s a much bigger dick move. Because don’t get me wrong, what you said was still a dick move, but what I did was _much_ worse.” Zach paused. “Wait, so this whole time you’ve thought this was on you?”

“You had a chance to apologize, but I didn’t.” Cade stated. Zach chuckled in disbelief. “And I had just perfected it.”

“You practiced it?” A slow smile started across Zach’s face and Cade it wouldn’t be long before the smile became that _ridiculous_ smirk. “Oh, now this I’ve got to hear.” Cade turned to face the road. He started the car and pulled onto the road. “Aw, c’mon,” Zach groaned.

“We have a national security emergency to tend to,” Cade said, flashing a microsecond smile.


End file.
